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"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

"A novel is a piece of prose of a certain length with something wrong with it."

"On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks."

"Our humanity is trapped by moral adolescents. We have too many men of science, too few men of God. The world has achieved brilliance without wisdom and power without conscience."

"Public display of mourning is no longer made by people of fashion, although some flashier kinds of widows may insist on sleeping with only black men during the first year after the death."

"A slipping gear in your M203 grenade launcher can cause it to fire when you least expect it. This could make you very unpopular with what is left of your unit."

"We have two ears and one mouth so we may listen more and talk the less."

"There you stand like a duck in a thunderstorm again - aren't you ever going to understand?"

"Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?"

"It's a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations."

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble...for the Lord, your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."

"The wicked flee when no man pursueth."