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"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

"The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too."

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that."

"Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work."

"I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves."

"Et tu, Brute.[You also, Brutus.]"

"Language is like a crack'd kettle on which we beat out tunes for bears to dance to, while all the time we long to move the stars to pity."

"A writer must refuse to allow himself to be transformed into an institution."

"Next to selfishness the principal cause which makes life unsatisfactory is want of mental cultivation."

"A friend should bear his friend's infirmities."

"Can any man or woman choose duties? No more that they can choose their birthplace, or their father or mother."