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"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

"'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?"

"I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions."

"Life.....is a series of dogs."

"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions."

"One act of beneficence, one act of real usefulness, is worth all the abstract sentiment in the world. Sentiment is a disgrace, instead of an ornament, unless it lead us to good actions."

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."

"He's a fine friend. He stabs you in the front."

"We had parties that Nero would have been ashamed to attend"

"This I do know beyond any reasonable doubt. Regardless of what you are doing, if you pump long enough, hard enough and enthusiastically enough, sooner or later the effort will bring forth the reward."

"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more."