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"I can have oodles of charm when I want to."

"If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind."

"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."

"Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college."

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand"

"Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe."

"When you're through changing, you're through."

"The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play."

"No great man ever complains of want of opportunity."

"Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy."

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life?"

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."