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"Advancements in technology have provided us the wonderful freedom to procrastinate faster than ever before."

"One has a greater sense of degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience."

"Humor, you can't exist without it. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. Otherwise you suffer."

"Any woman with a purse that big's bound to have somethin' in it that I don't wanna know about."

"Music is the last true voice of the human spirit. It can go beyond language, beyond age, and beyond color straight to the mind and heart of all people."

"Do not expose your LaserWriter to fire or intense heat."

"Your security does not lie in the hands of Kerry, Bush or al-Qaeda. Your security is in your own hands."

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."

"Enjoy things which are pleasant; that is not the evil: it is the reducing of our moral self to slavery by them that is."

"Women are the only oppressed group in our society that lives in intimate association with their opressors."

"A word to the wise is infuriating."

"When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one."