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"NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life."

"PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket."

"PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope."

"JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping."

"IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary."

"UN-AMERICAN, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish."

"If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation."

"A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

"Think you of the fact that a deaf person cannot hear. Then, what deafness may we not all possess? What senses do we lack that we cannot see and cannot hear another world all around us?"

"If someone tells you he is going to make ``a realistic decision,' you immediately understand that he is going to do something bad."

"Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress."

"When you make the finding yourself - even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light - you'll never forget it."