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"The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance."

"Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor."

"America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there."

"Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent."

"A bore is a fellow talking who can change the subject back to his topic of conversation faster than you can change it back to yours."

"There is no stigma attached to recognizing a bad decision in time to install a better one."

"Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them."

"My mother said to me, if you go into the military, you will become a general. If you go into the clergy, you will become Pope. Instead, I became an artist, and I am Piccaso."

"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election."

"A man in all the world's new fashion planted, That hath a mint of phrases in his brain."

"No one who has not been siezed by the merderous jaws of the viper can know its poison fangs."

"See first that the design is wise and just: that ascertained, pursue it resolutely; do not for one repulse forego the purpose that you resolved to effect."