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"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."

"If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane."

"Religion is for those who don't want to go to Hell. Spirituality is for those of us who have already been through it."

"People will forget what you did, people will forget what you said, but they won't forget the way you made them feel."

"It is light grief that can take counsel."

"There was a young woman named Jenny, Whose limericks weren't worth a penny. Her rhythm and rhyme Were perfectly fine But whenever she tried to write any, She always had one line too many."

"Adaptability is not imitation. It means power of resistance and assimilation."

"Memory is the greatest of artists, and effaces from your mind what is unnecessary."

"Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it thousands of times."

"I cannot give the formula for success, but I can give you the formula of failure - which is try to please everybody."

"She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

"Be the first to the field and the last to the couch."