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"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak."

"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite gooda€|Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."

"You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that."

"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."

"Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances."

"How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?"

"You've got to vote for someone. It's a shame, but it's got to be done."

"Government is too big and too important to be left to the politicians."

"Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen."

"The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces."

"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river."

"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."