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"When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?"

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

"Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event."

"Holidays are an expensive trial of strength. The only satisfaction comes from survival."

"If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn't be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure."

"There is no crueler tyranny than that which is perpetrated under the shield of law and in the name of justice."

"The whole problem with news on television comes down to this: all the words uttered in an hour of news coverage could be printed on page of a newspaper. And the world cannot be understood in one page."

"Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, into patients of whom they know nothing."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."