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"When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?"

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."

"When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?"

"Keep thy religion to thyself."

"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"

"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."

"Either do, or do not, there is no try"

"Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax."

"Men of ill judgment oft ignore the goodThat lies within their hands, till they have lost it."

"I have made this letter long because i have not the time to make it shorter."

"It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men."

"I live now on borrowed time, waiting in the anteroom for the summons that will inevitably come. And then - I go on to the next thing, whatever it is. One doesn't luckily have to bother about that."