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"This only is certain, that there is nothing certain; and nothing more miserable and yet more arrogant than man."

"No mortal man, moreover is wise at all moments."

"In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain."

"In comparing various authors with one another, I have discovered that some of the gravest and latest writers have transcribed, word for word, from former works, without making acknowledgment."

"Why is it that we entertain the belief that for every purpose odd numbers are the most effectual?"

"The only certainty is that nothing is certain."

"See the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"A kind word never broke anyone's mouth."

"I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise."

"Human excellence means nothing unless it works with the consent of God."

"It's like: never relax, never take that breath, never stop to get that drink of water. You know you can always smell roses when you're running with them in your hand."

"Some things I never learned to like. I didn't like to kiss babies, though I didn't mind kissing their mothers."