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"Adultery is the application of democracy to love."

"It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf."

"There comes a time when a man must spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats."

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats."

"Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another."

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary."

"'Do you consider yourself a disciplined guy? Do you get up every day and `go to work'?' 'Well, yeah. I try to get up every day.'"

"Nothing says, 'I have no idea what to get you,' quite like giant beige bath towels."

"If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything."

"Now begins a torrent of words and a trickling of sense."

"I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell."

"If you see in any given situation only what everybody else can see, you can be said to be so much a representative of your culture than you are a victim of it."