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"The paths of glory at least lead to the grave, but the paths of duty may not get you any where."

"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness."

"I hate women because they always know where things are."

"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

"Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation."

"Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house."

"I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do."

"Don't try to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."

"Results are what you expect, and consequences are what you get."

"Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake."

"Few cases of eyestrain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things."

"When the Black Camel comes for me, I'm not going to go kicking and screaming. I am, however, going to try to talk my way out of it. 'No, no, you want the other Walter Slovotsky.'"