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"Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."

"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap."

"The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates a draft, we can all declare we are homosexual instead of running off to Canada."

"We sometimes laugh from ear to ear, but it would be impossible for a smile to be wider than the distance between our eyes."

"With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it's just not acting. It's lying."

"Today, people in Baghdad can watch themselves being bombed - what a horrible, magical world we live in!"

"Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now!"

"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."

"The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights."

"Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation."

"I talk to God, but the sky is empty."

"I think fearlessness and stupidity go together."